Lessons in Losing

Written by Tricia Kelly

Losing is hard. But I found something worse…watching your kid lose.

My oldest son was on a basketball team, and they lost every game this season. Every. Single. Game. And I watched every loss. I want you to know, they practiced, they played hard, put effort in, and they improved with every game. But, they never won. Sometimes I would stand and yell to encourage them. Sometimes I would sit quietly. Sometimes I had to escape to the bathroom to hide my emotions. I admit I cried a little at the last game. Why was that experience so hard for me? Why am I so afraid of losing? I had to ask the question…was this about me somehow?

You know, life can be like that. You can try hard, you can do all the right things, you can have a good attitude, and you can even be a nice person and still lose.

I easily remember my freshman year in college. Oh how I wanted to be a cheerleader. I had dreamed of it for years but went to a large high school with a seriously competitive cheering squad and there was no way I would make the team. (By the way, I could barely do a split, much less all the jumping and gymnastics that is required.) By contrast, my college was small. The cheering squad was not a big deal. Could this be my chance?

I wanted it so badly. I practiced every single day. I found a space in the student building where I could practice the cheers, the jumps, even the splits. At some point, I found out I would need to do some kind of shoulder stand during try outs. That terrified me!!! I never even considered that kind of thing. But, if that was all that stood between me and my dream of being a cheerleader, then I would do it!

Day after day, I practiced…for hours upon hours! People stopped by and encouraged me. My dedication to this dream seemed to inspire them.

After several weeks, the day of the tryouts came. I gave it my all. I nailed the cheers, my jumps stunk but I knew they would, but I got my split (not without pain), and yes! I stood on some poor girl’s shoulders! I stuck that shoulder stand! I was so proud of myself. How can it not go my way? I had done everything I was supposed to. Wasn’t I entitled to the happy ending? Well, I did not get selected for the squad. I could bring up tears right now just recalling my devastation. I remember thinking, if I try with all my might and it’s still not enough, then what does that say about me? All I saw was the loss.

But, God saw more. He had a plan that I didn’t know about. Since I didn’t make the cheerleading squad, I had more time. Because I had more time, I decided to try out for a play. And that was the beginning of my life as a performer. That was the gateway to years of joy and satisfaction in performance. I changed my major to drama, and I changed my life. That moment ultimately led me to this point, this moment, this ministry. So, that loss was really a win.

Back to my son. His team lost. But, they really won. They won everyone’s respect and admiration, because they never gave up. They never got down. They tried until the very end of every game.

I’ve realized that I learn so much more through losing than through winning…every single time!

What have you learned from loss?