Parenting With Influence, Not Control

John 13:35: “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” 

Let’s be real—few things tug at a mama’s heart like our kids stepping into the dating world. We dream of them finding someone who loves Jesus, someone who will help them grow in faith. But what happens when their choices don’t look like what we prayed for? Our gut reaction is often to clamp down—set rules, give lectures, maybe even slam the brakes on the relationship altogether.

Here’s the hard truth: control rarely works. In fact, it usually drives our kids further away. But love? Love keeps the door open.

Think about how Jesus treated people who were on the fringes—He didn’t strong-arm them into faith. He invited them in with compassion and truth. As parents, that’s our model. We’re not called to control every decision our kids make (though oh, how we wish we could sometimes!). We’re called to influence them through the way we live, the questions we ask, the prayers we pray, and the love we show.

Influence looks like staying curious instead of interrogating. It looks like responding with grace instead of reacting in fear. It looks like showing kindness to the boyfriend or girlfriend we may not have chosen—because our kids are watching how we love, and so are the ones they date.

And underneath it all, influence looks like prayer. Praying boldly for God to work in ways we can’t. Praying for His protection, His truth, His love to take root. Trusting that He loves our kids even more than we do.

Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.

Reflection Questions:

• When it comes to your child’s choices, do you lean more toward control or influence?
• How can you keep the door of conversation open while still standing firm in your faith?
• What’s one simple way you could show Christ’s love to your child’s boyfriend or girlfriend this week?

Prayer:
Lord, You love my child even more than I do. Help me love them—and the person they’re dating—with Your love. Teach me to pause and respond instead of react. Give me wisdom to influence instead of control. And grow my faith to trust that You are at work in ways I cannot see. Draw their hearts closer to You, Lord, and let my life reflect Your grace and truth. In Jesus’ name, Amen.