Time-Shared with the Bears

Written by Kevin VanBuren

So,  my wife and I did one of those time-share sales pitch weekends a few years ago where they give you a free night’s stay at a swanky  resort with dinner for two IF…notice I used caps there…IF  we listened to their sales pitch on time shares.  I thought “what a deal” and it was all going great until Mr. Time Share dude asked us how much we spent on vacations. Obviously, he was hoping for at least a 5 digit response that would equal the deal of a lifetime he was offering.  Much to his chagrin I asked if he wanted me to include the cost of hot dogs in the total.

You see, our family loves to camp.  I’m not talking the RV with satellite and dual-air conditioners camping – no offense if that’s your thing – but, we grew up roughing it either in a tent or maybe a pop-up camper, if we were really living in luxury.

Our favorite destination was the Adirondack Mountains, Lime Kiln Lake near Inlet in particular. That’s where the lakes are ice cold, you can smell the balsam trees a mile away and the loons wake you up with their chilling cry across the water…oh and did I mention the black bears?

Yes the black bears… those cuddly, velvety soft looking bears that can run over a 2-inch round spruce like it wasn’t even there.  They’re really incredible creatures and pretty harmless unless you get in the way of their babies or food. My brother-in-law, Wayne, discovered the food part after a 300-plus-pound visitor claimed his box of Honey Nut Cheerios off his picnic table. The portly fellow – the bear, that is – very calmly took his new found treasure about 20 yards from the campsite.  He then placed the box on the ground and neatly slit open the cardboard with his razor sharp claw. And then just like a kid devouring a box of Cracker Jacks, he began scooping out the golden nuggets one paw full at a time just as neatly as you please.

It was quite a scene that our camping clan admired from a safe distance…all except Wayne, the clever guy who left his food where he wasn’t supposed to. I guess Wayne decided he needed an up-close photo of his new found friend, and I presume his zoom feature wasn’t working, because it wasn’t long before he was less than 8-feet away from Gentle Ben clicking away.

Right about that time, we noticed the bear had spotted Wayne getting just a tad bit too close for comfort. He raised his head from the Cheerio box glaring at this brave soul. They both froze for what seemed like minutes in this slow motion time warp. In reality though, after only a few seconds the bear grunted and did a six-inch vertical leap that would have made Michael Jordan jealous. He came down precisely in the same spot in front of his Cheerios, shaking the ground a bit as he landed.  Wayne did his own acrobatic leap backwards, apparently far enough now from the bear that he could contently finish his evening snack in peace. In a few minutes he lumbered quietly back into the woods from whence he came, and we resumed our places by the campfire.

Oh, by the way, we never did that time share thing.  I guess we just preferred the “times shared” with family in the woods with the bears.