The Love Gift

Written by Carol

Last night, we managed to read a book before my girl drifted off to sleep. I wish we did it every night. We don’t.

I’m an imperfect parent.

And I beat myself up for it a lot….

We finished the sweet story and there were questions printed on the last page. At first, I thought my girl was trying to stall her bed time…(I told you I was an imperfect parent)

One of the questions was: Is there anything you don’t like about yourself?

My blue eyed girl stared off into sky and thought for a moment…

“Momma, I don’t have a hard time loving me because you love me.”

I cried. Hard.

Because I do SO much wrong. I get impatient. I raise my voice. I get irritated. Frustrated. But, buried underneath all my parenting failure is the love that I long to show her every day. I love this kid like crazy.

After her heavy eyes gave into sleep, I stilled my anxious mind and reflected on what had just happened.

She is secure in my love. My imperfect, miscommunicated, messy, mixed up, broken love. She loves herself in a healthy way because she knows how much she is loved by this imperfect momma.

I felt a nudge.

Quietly in my heart…I heard God say…

“If your daughter, can be secure in the love of her imperfect momma, can her momma rest secure in the love of her perfect heavenly Father?”

I think I know what I want for 2014. And to think, it’s been there all along…but, I’ve been unwilling to live in the beauty of freedom of the gift.